International Women’s Day has come and gone, again, and I did not ponder the big issues because they are well covered by bigger thinkers than me. No, what’s been eating me for the last week was a story I heard at my regular stitch-n-bitch gathering.
One woman was recalling how she was shunned by married female friends when she divorced her husband. With three young children and no financial means, she needed the support of those friends more than ever, but they were not there for her. Why? She was perceived as a threat. A predator. She might steal their husbands.
Good grief. Is the pool of potential paramours so shallow that we have to turn to our best friend’s mister? No offense to any of my girlfriends’ dudes, but I know WAY too much about them to consider them as mating material – their hygiene habits alone would put me off the scent. Not that I’m in the market. But if I were.
Besides, have you not seen the enormous array of eligible chaps that scroll next to your Facebook page? Uh oh. Maybe that’s just me and the questionable Tumblr sites I’ve visited. Google knows my taste better than me. According to Match.ca there’s a plethora of pleasant men 50+ just WAITING for a call.
Nonetheless, we know the future holds shrinking resources, in quantity, quality, and durability. Unfortunately, men are still dying faster than women making even the curmudgeonliest, unkempt critters desirable. Alas, this will probably have a terrible effect on the already inflated male ego, tricking them into believing they’re catnip to the senior kitties. Make no mistake, old men, you’re not special. You’re just alive.
I don’t think we’re the more compassionate gender (see reference to shunned divorcee above) but I think we are certainly more pragmatic. For this reason, I think old age will require some rethinking on the part of my gal pals. No more sharpening of claws to keep out the sexy divorcée. Polygamy is a distinct possibility. This could assist living conditions in seniors’ residences tremendously, keep costs down, and help those on limited incomes – all through communal living. The difficulty would be determining an acceptable ratio of female to male. It is a delicate balance between satisfaction and dissatisfaction. Or not. Just up the tom cat’s Viagra.
Do you remember Sex and the Single Girl by Helen Gurley Brown? Its publication was hailed as a groundbreaking work inaugurating a new feminist wave in the early 1960’s. Sex and the City was a modern homage to the classic “how to” book. (As an aside, Kim Cattrall, the actress who portrayed Samantha Jones in the TV series, wrote an endorsement of the 2003 edition of the book.)
In light of the aging boomer demographic, I think Ms. Gurley Brown’s advice needs to be rejigged. Some of the compelling chapter headings might be revised as follows:
- Women Alone? Oh Come Now – Exactly, Helen. We’ll never be alone again. All for one and one for all as long as we take turns.
- The Availables –Anyone upright and breathing.
- Where to Meet Them – The assisted living cafeteria.
- How to Be Sexy – Inhale. Exhale.
- Money Money Money-If you’re in a home, you’ve got money.
- The Care and Feeding of Everybody-Not to worry. The cafeteria caters to all.
- The Shape You’re In-How to wiggle out of the Spanx, Playtex Cross Your Heart bra, support hose and into bed.
- The Wardrobe – No brainer – a bathrobe.
So, ladies, let’s be nice sistas. Let’s watch each others’ backs and support each other like a good double D bra should. We’re all going to need help in the future.